"First time" after childbirth
The baby was born. Happy spouses are eager to return to "pre-pregnant" sex life. Everything is great. And if not all?
When can I resume sex after giving birth?
You need to focus on the inspection data and examination of a leading gynecologist, and in addition - on their own feelings. But even if these two conditions are met, I would recommend a return to sexual activity no earlier than six weeks after giving birth. And at first, giving preference to a more gentle sexual relationship and positions with the most lightweight input.
So the young mother needs to see a gynecologist?
Sure to! It is also worth visiting a sexologist for the prevention of health problems and maintaining harmonious relationships in a couple, as a woman who has recently given birth often turns her attention completely to the child. There is even such a thing as "treason with a baby." Men at the reception sometimes say that they feel as if they were just used for conception and abandoned. The period after childbirth is a difficult stage in building new relationships, when, in addition to the roles of lovers, the roles of mother and father appear. And not everyone goes through this stage safely.
Often, newly born women have discomfort during intercourse. How to cope with them?
In most cases, such problems are the consequences of episiotomy (surgical dissection of the perineum during labor). Often they lead to coitophobia - fear of sexual intercourse. Many women have reduced lambing, that is, lack of moistening of the genital tract due to lack of estrogen, mental exhaustion. It is necessary to rest as much as possible, to use lubricants.
What can you advise a man?
Try to understand that in front of him is a kind of virgin, which is now particularly needed weasel, care, tenderness. Often, men behave completely wrong. Some believe that now, after giving birth, becoming a real woman, the wife will not restrain his impulses. Because expectations are wrong, they are fraught with frustration. A man in such cases is persistent and even rude, and a woman needs a completely different one. From here and disharmony, and genitalgii (pain during intimacy), and even sexual aversion (disgust). Unfortunately, people often forget that sexual function is still a steam bath. And it is very important to take into account the mood of your half. Be able to feel, be able to tune. I often compare this with pair dancing. Moreover, sometimes I recommend patients to attend dance lessons, where a couple learns to feel each other. Yes, a man leads, he must be persistent. But not rude, but gentle and attentive. In this case, the partner trusts him and gives.
If a woman does not want to engage in sex (fatigue, feeling unwell), is it worth to “force” yourself to please your husband?
Forcing yourself is definitely not worth it, because it is the right path to sexual aversion. But to create a fertile ground for sex is necessary. It is, for example, about enough sleep, relaxing bath, massage, viewing emotional photos from the family album.
Does it ever happen that interest in sex after childbirth disappears altogether?
Yes, and in the first weeks it is physiologically and biologically determined: nature wisely switches a woman to taking care of the baby, as if showing that it’s unreasonable to conceive a child without taking the time and attention to the newborn. In addition, postpartum depression is often observed, accompanied by loss of identification and desocialization. In this case, it is necessary to observe a psychotherapist, because sometimes, in addition to psychotherapy, even medical treatment is required, which the psychologist does not have the right to prescribe due to limited competence.
What to do if for young mothers sexual intercourse is painful or causes discomfort? Talk to your spouse or hide?
A woman can, without sharply pushing away, show a man that for her this all happens as if anew. Sometimes it is worth referring to the fact that you need to see a doctor. But the wife should not apply the label “seriously ill” to herself, otherwise her husband’s attraction will finally die out. Biological sex is a reproduction. A "sick samochka" a priori can not give birth to a healthy child. And, of course, urgently to the reception, better together, as a couple, before the development of complications.
What poses can you recommend to women who are stitched after birth?
It depends on the location of the entrance to the vagina. The angle of the penis should be straight, without kinks and excessive friction.
Is it true that after giving birth the vagina becomes more stretched and the man does not get pleasure, like before?
Yes, such changes are observed frequently. Men also speak about them in a confidential conversation: not confessing their spouse, fearing to offend her, they begin to look for alternatives on the side. And less pleasant sensations experienced by the woman herself. Therefore, I recommend Kegel exercises, a special gymnastics for restoring the tone of different muscle groups, to all my patients. I use in work and highly effective German simulators designed specifically for this.
Is female orgasm difficult after giving birth?
At first, the sexual function is deactivated. But then recovery should occur. Much depends on the energy potential, somatic and mental health, sexual constitution.
When should you start to prevent pregnancy? What contraceptives can be used for nursing mom?
Contrary to the common myth that a nursing mother is protected from unwanted pregnancy, this is only half true. At first, I usually recommend condoms. Then, after a few months, you can use other methods. But the appointment must make a gynecologist-endocrinologist after examination and examination.
Can the vaginal anatomy change after childbirth (normal and with complications) - so that sex will be impossible or difficult?
Usually, total changes do not occur.
When does "sex" after childbirth become what it was before them? Or does everything change irrevocably?
Full recovery takes up to two years. But if after about six months or a year there is no sexual rehabilitation or positive dynamics, the problem should be seriously addressed.
Can sex after childbirth, after a certain period, become brighter? Precisely because the woman gave birth?
Many women after a few months finally have an orgasm, which, for example, was not before giving birth. Childbirth - a good "hormonal shake." Earlier, about 30 years ago, sexopathologists even sometimes recommended that patients with anorgasmia (lack of orgasm) first give birth and then come to the reception.
Often, young mothers are embarrassed to change their body after childbirth, and for this reason they refuse to give their husbands sex. Do I need to wait for the "return to normal"?
Need to deal with yourself. And during the period of recovery form to get into the bedroom a beautiful and low-power nightlight, using "distracting" techniques in the form of, for example, linen, shoes, stockings, hairpins, bracelets ... Everything should be chosen for the best for the pair image. In practice, one often encounters different perceptions of the same sexual situation. For example, a woman believes that a man will consider her a small stretch and because of this will cease to be passionate. This is happening, but for a completely different reason! The husband does not see in the wife of that enthusiasm, which was before the birth, in front of him a fettered partner who does not respond to his appeals, games, seductions. And over time, because of this, his impulses are indeed becoming more and more modest. The spouse is convinced of his fears and throws insults on her husband. A man defends himself and no longer wants a woman constantly reproaching him. The disharmony intensifies. Over time, the sexual function is deactualized, the hassle, life, alienation are added. More and more criticism, humiliation, insults. In advanced cases it is difficult to do something. And if an antipode appears on the horizon - a cheerful and attractive rival, often everything ends in divorce.
So, the responsibility for the situation lies with the woman?
Of course not. The husband must be able to take care of his wife, especially in the postpartum period. It is necessary that he felt himself the head of the family responsible for everything that happens in her. Unfortunately, not all men take this skill out of the parent family, but sometimes it is developed in the process of psychotherapy. It is very important to try to correct the situation on time!