Ten years before love ... A husband is not necessarily an alcoholic or a prince.
I look at my picture ... Twenty years. Girl. Naive glance, thick bangs, funny dress. Sad smile. What is ahead? Unknown. And behind? Behind is the childhood of an unloved, understretched child. And also - the famine of the 90s, drunkenness of the father, mother exhausted by the work.
I am the eldest of three children. Siberian winters in the fall, with someone else's legs, boots, a slight envy of classmates' outfits, a lost dream of an art school, shot down with a weighty argument: no money! Simple argument and understandable. And also - dreams: about the prince, about a comfortable life ... You walk to school, you sit in class. And in the stomach rumbling from hunger. At recess you swallow saliva: the buffet smells goodies.
Send back the school. With a medal. Without exams enrolled in the neighboring city. I wanted to be a doctor, I had to apply for a teacher: medical institute in a day of driving, not to live on a scholarship in a foreign city. And ped - after thirty kilometers. If you save on food, travel enough!
I am twenty ... I had to postpone the Institute: they expelled me for absenteeism. And to explain that there was no money for travel, that my mother kicked me out of the house, that I got a job at work to clean the floors — it was a shame!
I am twenty ... I almost did not get married for the first one. Because you need a roof over your head, you want warmth, love, attention ... Because he does not drink. But it does not drink, it turns out, because it is encoded. I recognize this in half a year, and then I live in a situation familiar to me since childhood: the smell of fumes, the drunk eyes of a common-law husband, the first pregnancy ending in a miscarriage ...
Ten years ago I wanted to just live: study, work, give birth to a baby. I did not know yet that I would dare to leave the failed husband to nowhere, rent a room for the last money, go back to college ... I cried at night that my baby did not want to be born, and did not suspect that the Lord would give me the same weather: daughter and son, and a little later - the wonderful twins boys. I did not know then that husbands are caring not only in the movies. And not necessarily the husband must be a prince or an alcoholic. I only imagined what my house would be like, what curtains would hang on the windows, how I would call the dog in the yard ... Naive, trusting, I was deceived in people again and again.
I am twenty ... It was. Ten years ago. Would you like to go back in time? So that there were no gray threads in the hair and scars on the heart, betrayal of friends and parents? Probably not ... Four pairs of loved ones in my eyes sparkle with love every day. And I want to think not about what was ten years ago, but about what will happen in ten - ahead. I hope only happiness and love.