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There is a choice: friendship forever or the healing power of parting

In recent years, my world is somewhat limited. I often conduct a dialogue with myself. And not because I am the only perfect interlocutor for myself. And not because in my environment there are no pleasant and interesting people left. It’s just that you don’t have free time (you need to have so much time), you don’t have energy (you start saving), and you don’t find any special need for communication in yourself.

With age, there is no need for such intensive communication as in youth. Friendly ties are weakened, and relatives, on the contrary, are becoming stronger. But the need for a true friend was, is and will be. And time will always come to him with joy, and strength will be found.

Yes, keeping friends is not so easy. Here you need a conscious desire of two to work on relationships - easily and creatively. And this is not given to everyone, and someone often goes the distance.

Any relationship is experiencing crises, and not everyone is able to pass them with dignity. Because it is easier to abandon friendship than to overcome a temporary misunderstanding, hostility, irritation, discontent.

“Not approving things is all right. Badly disapproving people. You can be isolated” Iris Murdoch

You should not part with your friends at the moment when you are outraged by some of his actions, or angry at his inaction. Much can be forgiven to a friend. A bad deed can only be a mistake, not typical of him. But if, on the whole, relations ceased to be organized, then they should be stopped. After all, we often make mistakes and take something less valuable for friendship.

“Friendship so often turns out to be a frozen, frozen semi-feud. We must argue, fight if we want to love,” Iris Murdoch.

Friendship ends when the relationship is pragmatic or self-serving. A rupture occurs when one of the two cannot be used for any reason anymore. It is easier to reach mutual understanding with an equal in being (so that there is no excessive envy).

Relationships lead to inevitable disappointment if, thanks to friendship, someone tries, often unconsciously, to solve some internal problems, to raise their self-esteem. Sooner or later, the one at whose expense they are trying to assert themselves is going to break off relations. For example, one friend regularly listens and approves another, and then stops doing it.

Self-love and self-respect can be realized only by yourself. Not at the expense of diminishing one's merits, but due to the results of one’s own activities. Friendship needs delicacy and does not tolerate arrogance, arrogance and hypocrisy. This is not friendship at all, if in a relationship one dominates over the other. If for the sake of friendship you have to compromise your basic principles. If someone often has to make compromises, and the relationship affects someone's sense of dignity and self-esteem.

We prefer to let friendships die away so often that we can let ourselves go to naught. But sometimes the union must be abruptly broken off, without any clarification of the relationship.

Any relationship forms us as a person. And if for some time they do not bring joy, pull down (they hamper your development), then you should not be afraid of disappointments and partings. After all, the gap often has healing power, helps us stay or become ourselves.

But if you want to preserve friendship, strengthen it, come together again after a conflict, then in this case it is worth explaining. "Discussing relationships is the path to rapprochement."

It is probably wrong to seek salvation from loneliness, from inner disharmony in friendship. But in the modern world, where marriage has become more fragile, a person holds on to friendship even more. She fills the need for a reliable person nearby.

The presence of good friends affects the quality of our life (with them fun, bold, interesting, easier) and the number of years lived. Scientists claim that people who have a wide circle of communication significantly (by 22%) life expectancy increases. After all, a true friend will warn against mistakes, wean him from bad habits, he will easily get out of depression, he will raise his low self-esteem ...

It makes sense to give yourself the trouble to consider what a wonderful person next to you, if you are lucky enough to meet such a person. Make every effort to keep him near you. True friends lose really scary and painful. Because true friendship (as well as true love) is a great rarity and great value.

"... May we be biased to our friends! / Let us think that they are beautiful! / It's scary to lose them, God forbid!" wrote Bella Akhmadulina.

Watch the video: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. Jill Sherer Murray. TEDxWilmingtonWomen (November 2019).