Can a lie, flirt and quarrel make your marriage stronger?
There is hardly a woman who never figured out the relationship with her husband and did not leave the battlefield, burst into tears. It is unlikely that there is one who has never coquettishly smiled at a pretty neighbor - just like that, from the fullness of feelings. Or, for the best of reasons, she did not deceive her husband: "Men like you are even bald!"
Quarrels, flirting on the side and lies are considered completely unacceptable in a happy marriage. But let's look at things realistically: we all quarrel from time to time, flirt and tell lies, but sometimes these forbidden tricks can make the spouses closer, and the marriage stronger.
Flirting on the side
It is believed that flirting - a direct expensive to change. For some, this is treason. But the truth is that innocent coquetry with a stranger can strengthen a marriage. When you flirt, your mood and confidence rise. You feel young and attractive, as when you first met your husband. It is no secret that spouses who have lived together even two or three years get used to each other, starting to perceive their other half as a given. If the husband sees that other men are giving signs of attention to his wife, this is also not always bad. Easy jealousy is a signal that will help the husband to make sure that his wife cannot be treated as property, which is given to him once and for all. Over the years of a happy marriage, spouses forget how lucky they are. A little flirting and an injection of jealousy is the best way to remind each other of the forgotten.
But where does an innocent flirt end and a straight road to treason begin? Psychologists advise: if you think that the act you have done or the words spoken would hurt your husband, if he was near, it means that you cross the line. If you do and say something that you can easily repeat with him, then everything is in order. And most importantly - be honest with yourself. Why do you flirt? Because you want to shake it up a little? There is nothing wrong with that. But, if you are preparing for a meeting with a nice colleague from the very morning, such a flirt can take you too far.
Love to yourself
We all know that the golden rule of a happy marriage is the ability to find a compromise. The ability to not insist on their own and make a step towards - this is what keeps the relationship. But think about it: a compromise is not necessarily a situation when each spouse takes a step towards the other. Compromise may be different: today you do everything the way your husband wants, and tomorrow everything will be your way. Probably, in an ideal world, spouses make the same number of steps towards each other. On Saturday afternoon you have lunch with your husband's parents, and on Saturday evening he accompanies you to the theater. In reality, this is not the case. Maybe you give in more often and your spouse less often, and maybe just the opposite. It is impossible to count the number of these small steps towards each other. In addition, some little things can not be guessed, even if you really want to please each other. You can only ask about them, because people, unfortunately, do not know how to read minds. So, do not wait for favors from your spouse, but simply take what you need and do not suffer remorse. Of course, in all you need to know when to stop. We do not encourage you to spend on a festive dress all that was postponed for a family vacation. But, if you gathered together for a visit, and the husband lingers at work, do not wait for him, go to friends alone and have fun from the heart. If the spouse can not fix the broken door of the cabinet, call a locksmith. Make it your way! And don't feel guilty about it. A satisfied wife is better in every way than a disgruntled woman - any man will tell you.
Disputes and family quarrels
If you want to spoil the relationship, start to find out. Taking into account this popular wisdom, many couples try to avoid any disputes and smooth corners as long as possible. How does this end? As a rule, one of the spouses still does not stand up and breaks down, engaging the other in a quarrel. And here all the insults that have accumulated since the wedding day come up. If the spouses never argue, it does not mean that they have no differences. Perhaps they simply do not know how to find the right words and fear the consequences. Meanwhile, the dispute - it is natural for marriage. You love each other, very close, but you are different people. Perhaps it was the mutual differences that seemed so attractive to you when meeting. And, if you look at some things differently, it does not mean at all that you do not approach each other. Psychologists sometimes compare disagreements with clogging in the sink: if the water pipe is clogged, you clean it up. And first you have to remove a lot of dirt, but then the water will flow freely and easily. The same thing happens with relationships: if you hide differences, they accumulate, irritation grows and you gradually move away from each other. Of course, even during a constructive dispute, we are not always able to agree. But in this case, you at least understand what the problem is and try to solve it. And the last. During any dispute, do not forget: you and your husband may have different opinions on many issues, but still you respect and love each other. This is the most important thing. The rest is the little things that you can always agree on.
Slam the door
You understand each other perfectly and always talk about your differences. You start to speak very calmly, but you have to repeat the same thing ten times trying to reach your husband. But he either mocks, or really does not understand what you are saying to him. And now you are screaming, sobbing and ready to rush at him with your fists, and at least something for him! And the only thing you want to do is to drop everything and go far away. And now think: why don't you really do this? No, do not shout that you immediately take away the children and leave for your mother. You just can no longer continue this argument, you need to calm down. So tell your husband. After that, sit for a while alone, go for a walk or send a husband for a walk with the children. Each of you needs a little time to think about your conversation and, perhaps, to look at the problem from the other side. When both of you are annoyed and shouting, you can hardly agree: emotions are now much stronger than the ability to think logically. It is in such situations that people in the heat of the moment throw accusations at each other that are not forgotten for years. But, if each of you has the opportunity to calm down and think, the irreparable will not happen. When you feel you are no longer able to control yourself, stop. No need to say things about which you will regret. In addition, sometimes a man is difficult to recognize your rightness. Taking a time-out, you give relief to his offended vanity, and at the same time give him time to think and offer an option that suits you both. If you argue often and quite emotionally, you can even agree in advance: if one of you says stop, the other one should not insist on continuing the conversation right now. Go to bed, think and talk later. The main thing is to return to the unresolved issue and not to pretend that there was no dispute at all.
Lie to the rescue
"No, with such a haircut you are not at all like an idiot." "Nobody cooks cutlets more tasty than your mom!" "We have no normal men in the office." We all tell lies from time to time, because it’s simpler than embarking on long explanations, and because we are sure that it will not hurt anyone. Imagine that, meeting you from work, the husband sees your colleague - a tall, attractive, well-dressed man. "Interesting type, huh?" - asks your husband. And you are lost: what to answer? Agree that the man is interesting, and cause a fit of jealousy? Or lie? After all, in fact, asking such a question, the husband does not want to know whether you like this man or not. He wants to know if you still love him, your husband. Is it worth worrying or there is no reason to worry? And if you answer: "This type is a terrible bore," the husband is calm and peace in the family is preserved. Such a lie will not hurt anyone. But only if you really protect the rest of her husband. If in your own words you protect yourself and your colleague with whom you have an affair, the lie becomes completely harmless. In no case can not lie, if in the future a lie can open up and cause scandal. Covert too often becomes apparent, and if you intentionally try to hide something, the consequences can be devastating. When you are cheating in order to avoid a quarrel or clarify the relationship, be prepared for such a turn of events: you can be brought to clean water and then you will have to deal not only with the problem you tried to hide, but also with the distrust of your spouse. If you deceived him this time, can he trust you in the future? Remember this when you are going to lie in the name of salvation.
4 tips for happy couples
- Talk to each other about love
Psychologists are advised to smile, even if you are dissatisfied with something. They also advise you to talk to each other about your feelings, even if you are not at all determined to have a romantic evening together. After a few warm words, you yourself will feel better.
- Give each other some freedom
After work, each of you needs 10-15 minutes to recover. If you are sitting at home with your children or returning from work before your husband, do not rush to solve the problems that have accumulated during the day, as soon as he crossed the apartment's threshold ... It is very important for everyone to spend at least a few minutes a day alone and alone.
- Touch and touch again
Touches make you closer by keeping a physical connection between you. Hug your beloved man by the waist, run your hand through your hair, smack on the cheek. This is better than the most beautiful words suggests that he is still loved.
- Do not quarrel over trifles.
Most of the things we worry about are not worth the effort. Before starting a dispute, think: is it important? Of course, fundamental issues need to be discussed. But on the little things better to give up. As a result, the one who argued less and was less right turned out to be right.