Tantrums in children: less shopping and entertainment
Most of the tantrums in children provoked by parents. After all, they are dragging the baby with them to the shopping center, despite the heat and stuffiness, they are trying to “entertain the full program” on weekends, and the rest of the time - to load them with occupations. But a child under 5-6 needs something completely different. Is it possible to avoid children's tantrums?
Outbreaks of hysteria are characteristic of many small children. Some older children continue to use these weapons for more than one year when they realize that this will help get what they want. Usually, a child becomes hysterical when he is overtired, very hungry, emotionally over-excited, or feels bad. Later, tantrums can be a way to check the boundaries and see your reaction.
Children always choose the wrong time to throw a tantrum. You can be driving, in a shop, in a restaurant or visiting friends, and when you least expect it, your child will arrange a concert.
As a rule, the first impulse of parents is to do anything to stop this horrible scene. They are confused, and the level of stress jumps sharply. But we must remember that hysteria is an external sign, and the only effective way is to get to the bottom of the cause and satisfy the needs of the child.
Is it possible to do without tantrums?
Family life, as a rule, has the usual way. Pay attention to the factors causing children's tantrums, and try to eliminate them.
- Leave the child with the nanny, if he makes a tantrum during a joint trip to the store. Or let the adults in your family go to the store in turns.
- Discuss joint plans in advance and stick to them. Children often can not rebuild when plans change dramatically.
- Agree in advance with the child on the limits of permissible. For example, if you are going to the store together and the child wants him to buy a toy, immediately discuss what you agree on and do not back down.
Types of children's tantrums
There is a big difference between hysterics when the child is tired, hungry or sick, and when he expresses his displeasure and tries his parents for strength. In the first case, parents need, keeping calm, to determine the cause and give the child the desired: food, rest, caress and warmth. Of course, they feel uncomfortable when their baby is crying excitedly in a public place, but at least such a hysteria has a physical reason, eliminating which can be fixed. If parents try to preserve self-control as much as possible, in the end they will succeed.
The second kind of hysterics - the struggle of characters. For a child, this is a non-verbal way of trying to gain control of a situation in which he feels helpless. Every time a child declares: “No! I will not! ”- he is trying to convey something to you. You need to stay calm and try to understand the hidden message. Perhaps the child just needs you to listen. Like adults, children sometimes feel that no one is listening to them.
- Do not use physical force, do not slap the child. This is the surest way to teach him to be rude to others.
- Do not try to physically limit the child in the midst of hysteria, unless his actions are life threatening: for example, he is trying to run onto the road.
- Do not threaten or punish the child. At the moment of hysterics, the baby is unable to think rationally. Your threat will not work, but will only increase the degree of emotional intensity.
- Do not argue. You still will not win against an opponent who is dominated by emotions, not logic!
- Do not try to shame the child for his behavior. It will only teach him to break into others in the future.
- Do not try to cope with hysteria in public. Take the child to where you can talk one-on-one. It is polite to others, and you will be easier to cope with the situation.
How to cope with hysterics
Sometimes it is not easy to understand the cause of the hysteria, because the child cannot explain the essence of the problem. But many parents learn to recognize symptoms and make correct assumptions.
- If you think your baby is naughty because you are hungry, feed him, even if it is “not on schedule”. It is always good to have a healthy meal with you for a light snack in case of unforeseen circumstances.
- If you think that the child is tired, do not need much talk. Take him in your arms, rock him, take him to the bedroom or where he can rest.
- In some children, stress and tantrum can cause movement from one place to another. For example, if it is time for you to leave the playground, warn the child in advance that you will be leaving soon. “In ten minutes we will go home. Do you want to ride a hill or maybe on a swing? ”If you warn the child in advance and give him a choice, this will ease the situation for him.
- If the child is clearly experiencing your patience, keep calm, do not enter into an argument with him. Speak calmly; say gently but firmly that you understand his experiences, but the rule is the rule. For example: "I understand that you would like to stay on the playground, but you already have to go home to cook dinner."
- If you have been talking with a friend for a long time at lunch or talking on the phone, be sure to pay enough attention to the child after that.
Sometimes it turns out to distract the child by playing at the first sign of an approaching hysteria But if he does not calm down, it is probably better to step back from the situation: pick up a book and start reading or leave the room. Of course, this is possible if you are fully confident that the child will not do anything dangerous.
Do not overload the child
Sometimes parents are addicted to too many activities or entertainment for the child. And young children prefer the usual routine of the day and quickly get tired and annoyed when they are offered one or the other. Think twice before enrolling a child under 5 years old in dance lessons, in the sports section or in some other class. Visiting one group after another increases the level of stress for everyone and creates the prerequisites for irritation and hysteria. Plan everything with a margin of time so that you do not have to run somewhere headlong.